The trouble with good women

I was angry.

One evening in September 2019, I sat in a dimly lit screening room at the Kaduna Book and Arts Festival, watching 4th Republic, a Nigerian political drama. The room was packed, about two dozen of us, all absorbed in the film’s story about the corruption and chaos that often come with Nigerian elections.

At the center of the film was Mabel King, a politician played by the talented Kate Henshaw. She was different from the usual. She ran an honest campaign, no bribes, no smear tactics, no shady deals. Even when she faced the usual struggles that women in politics go through, condescension, dismissal, underestimation, she remained composed. She took the high road.

Until she didn’t.

Near the end of the film, there was an unexpected twist, Mabel had rigged the election. Her actions led to violence and death. She wasn’t as different from her corrupt opponent, Idris Sani, as we had thought.

I wasn’t upset that Mabel was flawed. What frustrated me was how the audience reacted. Many, especially the women, were disappointed. They had believed in her, rooted for her, placed their hopes on her. They wanted her to be a role model, a symbol of what women in politics could be. When one woman stood up to confront the filmmakers who were also in the room, her voice was full of anger. She accused them of ruining the image of women.

The message was clear: Mabel had to be perfect because women, especially women in power, are rarely allowed to be anything else.

***

This idea that women must always be good and upright has existed for centuries. In politics, business, academia, and everyday life, women face a level of scrutiny that men do not. There is little room for error.

Take the late Princess Diana, for example. From the moment she joined the British royal family, she was seen as the perfect princess, graceful, kind, and flawless. The media adored her, but they also held her to impossible standards.

When her marriage to Prince Charles fell apart, both of them had affairs. But while Charles’s long-time relationship with Camilla was accepted and excused, Diana was harshly judged. She was picked apart, ridiculed, and shamed.

Why, I’ve often wondered, was Diana’s affair seen as a scandal while Charles’s was barely a problem? Why do we allow men to be complex and flawed while demanding that women be perfect?

This double standard extends beyond royalty. A female CEO must be strong but not too harsh, successful but still humble. A working mother must juggle career and family perfectly, never letting either suffer. When a woman makes a mistake, it’s often seen as a reflection of her character rather than just an error.

This is why I support women’s right to be flawed. Not because I celebrate wrongdoing, but because the demand for women to be morally superior is a form of control. When we insist that women must always be good, we strip them of complexity and limit their humanity. Women deserve the same freedom as men to make mistakes, to fail, to learn, and to rebuild, without their entire worth being reduced to a single misstep. To allow women to be flawed is to allow them to be fully human.

But the world is not built to accommodate imperfect women. From a young age, girls are taught to strive for perfection, to be the perfect daughter, student, wife, and worker. These expectations don’t fade with age; they follow women into adulthood, shaping how they are seen and judged.

Even when we try to challenge sexism, we often reinforce it. Many of the women in that screening room wanted 4th Republic to tell a different story, not because they didn’t know corruption exists, but because they longed for a positive, inspiring female leader. And they weren’t wrong. Women are often portrayed in negative ways, reinforcing harmful stereotypes.

But in trying to push for positive stories, we must be careful not to create a new kind of stereotype, one where women must always be perfect. The idea that female characters, or real women, must always be noble and blameless is just another way of controlling them.

Women can be kind, but they can also be ruthless. They can be virtuous, but they can also be selfish. They can be brilliant, but they can also be reckless. And all of these versions of womanhood deserve to exist.

***

After the festival, I spoke with some of the attendees. Many of them admitted that their disappointment with Mabel wasn’t just about her corruption, it was about representation. Women are rarely given leading roles in stories where they are seen as powerful, fearless, and when they are, people want them to be positive, uplifting figures. It’s understandable.

But as we demand more stories about women, we must also demand complexity. If male characters are allowed to be layered, flawed, and interesting, women should be too. The future should not belong to the perfect woman, but to the whole woman, imperfect, evolving, real.

Fighting for gender equality is not just about making sure women get opportunities. It’s also about making sure women get the space to fail. And to try again.

I think back to my own life, the times I worried over a mistake, afraid of how I would be judged. How much freer would we all be if we gave ourselves, and each other, the same grace that men receive without question?